Episode 01: The Beginning

Truth be told, the thought’s been percolating for quite some time. Countless moments, one might say signs, nudges, callings. My therapist asking me “do you consider yourself to be a creative person?” (My answer was no).

Scribbles in a journal. Video clips. Photos. Monologues. My wandering mind.

It’s amazing to me what it takes to actually sit down and “do”. My husband and I were watching Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. This morning. Yoda says “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Noted. So here I do.

Since as early as I can remember, I’ve had big feelings. Emotions. My life’s felt stormy. The ebb and flow, surging, passing through. Then, the light, dancing moments of joy. Refresh. Cleanse. Energy.

Emotions became an identity. Sweeping. Inside and outside of myself. Never quite sure when, what, or why. Always ready. Bracing even. For a storm.

I recall early on as well, a deep, fierce desire to understand why. I think this is where my insatiable curiosity comes from. Introspection. Self-exploration. Discomfort. Therapy. Verbal processing. Long conversations. I’d come to recognize this insatiable curiosity wouldn’t just help me understand myself better, it’d be the underpinning to my understanding of the world around me. Of people. Unique patterns. No one the same. All rich with meaning, purpose, and a beginning.

32 years in, maybe this is my beginning. Turmoil turned transformational. The moment I take a step in. Into the realm of actually living. Being. And not just being anything, but actually being ME (whatever the fuck that means).

This is my journey. My beginning.

The premise for all of this, really, is a profound reverence for the power of feeling seen. Seen by yourself, seen by others, seeing others. Anger, violence, menace are the coverings of unseen feelings, emotions. Pain overlooked. Fear missed. Something trapped. Buried. Hidden. The anguish of feeling alone, misunderstood, not understood at all - exploding into the terror of this world. I believe this.

I suppose you could say that this “beginning” I am referring to is my intentional “doing” (thanks Yoda) to bridge my self-exploration and the thirst of humanity to feel seen. I’m not quite sure how this will all unfold, but here goes nothing. Right?

So how is this all going to work? Great question. Here’s what I have so far…

The foundation for all of this will be, for now, three simple steps:

• Notice

• Be Curious

• Listen

These three words will underpin all that I do. Here. Because one of the things I’ve learned throughout the first, say third, of my life, is that we move fast. The world moves fast. So. Damn. Fast. Things happen. Moments come and go. The pace prevents the seeing. Therefore, in order to see, we must slow down long enough to notice.

Then, be curious. Questions. And I have a lot of them. So that we can understand. Learn. Discover.

Then, shut the hell up and listen. Listen to what your mind, body, soul, heart, is telling you. Listen to what someone else is saying. Listen humbly. Listen without judgement. Listen intently. Listen with reverence. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Then, we will feel seen.